Jerks!

Ugh. I'm so over it. There is a lot going on at the minute in terms of home birth, especially related to birthing at home after a previous ceasarean. Basically, there is a call for women not to be allowed to home birth after a ceasarean. The reasoning is that it is too risky. I'm not going to go into the stats and research that tell us that the additional risks are minimal (and comparable to those involved in undergoing a repeat ceasarean). More importantly, I think, is the fact that we are talking about women's rights here. Women should be able to weigh up the risks and make a decision themselves. THey should have access to a qualified individual (i.e. a midwife) who can (legally, while remaining registered AND insured) provide the relevant information so they can compare the risks and benefits. Women should NOT have their choices dictated by some pompous arsehole (whoever that might be), who stares blankly past the statistics right into the business that is made by hospital births, in particular surgical births. I would NEVER choose to homebirth if I did not think it was a safe choice for me and my baby.

It just makes me so angry that I'm willing to fork out a SHIT load of money so I can have a go at the kind of birth I want, but there's a damn good chance it will be ripped out from underneath me before I even get close. Where is the freedom of choice?

My options are very likely to be either returning to the hospital, a thought that even now provokes anxiety and makes my eyes fill up with tears, birth unassisted, a choice that scares the crap outta me, or find a midwife who is willing to risk their professional life.

It sucks.

I'd written letters and sent emails lobbying for the cause, but really, I was just kidding myself. They don't care. They aren't gonna change their minds no matter how many women write in.

Ugh... so angry, so frustrated, and so over it!

I wish it was August already!

Feeling all mixed up tonight... I know that waiting til August next year to try for another baby is the best thing for a number of reasons, but I just wish I was ready now. I'm so ready to be pregnant. I'm so ready to go through it all again. But, I am still not ready for another baby.
If it did happen, I know I'd be rapt and I know we'd make it work and for that reason I almost want to just let myself go and do it all now... it'd be ok and I'd be ok.

Blah.