Maybe tonight, maybe another 4 weeks!

As I get closer and closer to the big event, I find myself wanting to write more about it. I'm 37+2 today and things are definitely gearing up. Braxton hicks are getting more and more intense, and I just feel... different. Like my body is gearing up or winding down... I can't decide.

I know it doesn't give any indication of when I will actually go into labour, but I can just feel that something's coming (apparently, a baby!). I can't explain it any other way. I just feel strange.

As excited as I am each time another intense braxton hicks contraction hits, I am really hoping bubs stays in at least until Thursday so I have the birthing pool. I can't help but feel like I'll actually be a bit disappointed if I have to birth out of the pool. It's all I imagine. I'm sure at the end of the day, it will be fine without the pool too! I've also got tickets to Twilight on the 17th so if bubs wants to stay in until then, he/she is more than welcome!

I think I have everything sorted and all in one place: the towels, the straws, the plastic sheets etc. I went through it again today and double crossed everything off my list. Only a couple of less-than-essential items to add.

Have also decided that instead of encapsulating my placenta, I'm going to do placenta smoothies. I've heard of these a million times and always been totally grossed out by the thought. But with the price associated with encapsulation, it's just not going to be an option. My midwives are happy to chop up my placenta and freeze it for me so that I just need to pop a bit in with my smoothie and I won't even taste it. Still kind of grosses me out and I probably will only do it if baby blues hit or something like that. Maybe I'll save it for when my PMS strikes again, although I'm hoping I get another 9+ month reprieve like the last two times!

Only other news is that I'm somewhat worried about bub's position at the minute. I can normally get a good handle on how he/she is lying but at the minute, there seems to be baby everywhere in there. I'm worried he/she may be transverse. But, as hubby said, there's no point worrying for now. I'm keeping up with my optimal fetal positioning and that's all I can really do. Will just have to wait for my next appointment and see what the MW thinks.

Eep! Getting so excited! I'm gonna rock this damn birth and I can't wait to shout it from the roof tops!!

Update

So, it's been a while since I've posted anything so though I'd better update!

I'm now 36w 2d with this bubba. I feel huge, but I love it. I absolutely love being pregnant but at the same time, I think this might be my last. I want more pregnancies, but I just don't think I'm up for more than three kids. Plenty of time to decide that though!

Home birth plans are going well. We had our birth plan meeting the other day and it was good. I'd been trying to find time to sit down with hubby for a few days prior to the meeting, just to make sure we were both on the same page. He just seemed to be avoiding it. When we finally got a chance, the first thing he said  was "you know I'm really nervous about this". And that was pretty much the end of the conversation. I overreacted and shut down thinking all my hard work was going to be thrown out the window. Of course he's nervous though! I'm freaking nervous. The what-ifs do plague me at times. 

At the birth plan meeting, one of the midwives asked me if there was anything specifically worrying me as it may get in the way of labour/birth if I was dwelling on something. Although I am a bit worried about some of the things that might happen, there are no specifics. One day I might worry about rupture, the next about not dilating, the next about tearing and so on. Probably, my biggest concern is that I'm going to go into labour before the birth pool is here at 38 weeks, or after it's been picked up at 42 weeks. I can't imagine home birth without it being a waterbirth. Guess I better have a back up plan just in case!

We've decided that DD who will be 5 in February may be there for the birth. If everything is running smoothly, and she's not too freaked out, or getting in the way, then I'd love to have her there. If she's there, we will let her discover baby's gender. I really like that idea. And although I'm perfectly happy with a boy, I'd love for her to discover she had a little sister!

We've pretty much settled on names, but I'll be keeping them a secret for now.

Mostly I'm just excited. In my heart, all I see is a perfect homebirth. Hubby and me just doing our thing with the midwives there somewhere. I don't see them when I picture the whole thing. But if I think about it too much, I do start to worry about things not going as planned. I worry about afterwards, how I'll cope and how I'll get back on track. The main thing that helped me last time, was knowing I would try again and planning this healing birth. But thinking this may be our last bub, I may not have that to fall back on. And that's the thing that terrifies me the most. 

But for now, I'll stay positive and cling to what I see when I picture the big day. I can't wait!!