I'm now 36w 2d with this bubba. I feel huge, but I love it. I absolutely love being pregnant but at the same time, I think this might be my last. I want more pregnancies, but I just don't think I'm up for more than three kids. Plenty of time to decide that though!
Home birth plans are going well. We had our birth plan meeting the other day and it was good. I'd been trying to find time to sit down with hubby for a few days prior to the meeting, just to make sure we were both on the same page. He just seemed to be avoiding it. When we finally got a chance, the first thing he said was "you know I'm really nervous about this". And that was pretty much the end of the conversation. I overreacted and shut down thinking all my hard work was going to be thrown out the window. Of course he's nervous though! I'm freaking nervous. The what-ifs do plague me at times.
At the birth plan meeting, one of the midwives asked me if there was anything specifically worrying me as it may get in the way of labour/birth if I was dwelling on something. Although I am a bit worried about some of the things that might happen, there are no specifics. One day I might worry about rupture, the next about not dilating, the next about tearing and so on. Probably, my biggest concern is that I'm going to go into labour before the birth pool is here at 38 weeks, or after it's been picked up at 42 weeks. I can't imagine home birth without it being a waterbirth. Guess I better have a back up plan just in case!
We've decided that DD who will be 5 in February may be there for the birth. If everything is running smoothly, and she's not too freaked out, or getting in the way, then I'd love to have her there. If she's there, we will let her discover baby's gender. I really like that idea. And although I'm perfectly happy with a boy, I'd love for her to discover she had a little sister!
We've pretty much settled on names, but I'll be keeping them a secret for now.
Mostly I'm just excited. In my heart, all I see is a perfect homebirth. Hubby and me just doing our thing with the midwives there somewhere. I don't see them when I picture the whole thing. But if I think about it too much, I do start to worry about things not going as planned. I worry about afterwards, how I'll cope and how I'll get back on track. The main thing that helped me last time, was knowing I would try again and planning this healing birth. But thinking this may be our last bub, I may not have that to fall back on. And that's the thing that terrifies me the most.
But for now, I'll stay positive and cling to what I see when I picture the big day. I can't wait!!
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